When Life Gives You Lemons
by Kaara
Summary: In which Inuzuka Kiba pursued his dream for a sexy, beautiful harem and Ino despaired. Hinted GenIno. OneShot.


**Title:** When Life Gives You Lemons.  
><strong>By:<strong> Kaara.  
><strong>Disclaimer:<strong> Naruto is owned by Kishimoto.  
><strong>Rating:<strong> PG13, mostly for language.  
><strong>Note:<strong> A short slice-of-life thing that randomly came to life one day. You might want to read '**If You Can't Beat Them**' first to fully grasp the altered universe. Enjoy?

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**When Life Gives You Lemons (You Squeeze Them Into Someone's Eyeballs)**.

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"Look, Kiba. We don't do those missions for fun."

Kiba bounded after Ino and looked more like a desperate puppy than a self-respecting ninja of Konoha. Akamaru trailed after his owner and since the dog was bigger than a cow (what the hell did Kiba feed the mutt? Steroid?), he kept crashing into file cabinets that lined the hallway. Ino was pretty damned sure the secretaries would have a mental breakdown once they noticed the transgression and she mentally composed an alibi. Just in case. Secretaries in the Torture and Interrogation Department were not to be messed with.

"But Ino! Maybe one day they'll need me to take on that kind of mission. It's not right if I don't get practice, you know?"

Ino scrunched her nose and walked faster, because the urge to smite Kiba into oblivion had spiked exponentially since he revealed his big plan to increase his professionalism regarding their shared profession. "Why are you asking me? Seriously? You're not even in this department. Go bother someone else." She grabbed a random folder from a passing intern (who blinked at them in bewilderment) and rustled it importantly. "I'm busy right now."

"But you have _experience_." Kiba emphasised on the word with a downright sleazy smirk and dancing eyebrows. Ino paused to send a disgusted frown at her depraved colleague. Which was apparently a wrong move because he took advantage of her momentary lapse in movement to corner her against the wall. He hovered inches away from her and the first thing that Ino noticed was the much dreaded body odour. He smelled like a dog pen. An unwashed dog pen. Cue the gag reflex. "Help a brother out, why don't you?"

"First of all, if you don't get off my face in three seconds, Inuzuka Kiba, I will introduce you to my fist. And unlike the Hyuuga's, there's nothing gentle about it."

Kiba backed off a couple of feet. And Ino resumed breathing once she was assured that she wouldn't be inhaling anything Kiba had exhaled.

"Secondly, we won't be calling on something like you for our infiltration missions. You're as subtle as Naruto's jumper and twice as loud. "

An indignant snort followed the comment but Kiba snapped his mouth close when Ino shot him a warning glare.

"And forget seduction. We have our own men for that." _And they're some mighty fine men, _she added mentally. Ino's voice softened at the crestfallen look plastered all over Kiba's face; he was the very embodiment of the saying 'kicking a dog when it's already down'. Or something like that. She moved to pat his shoulder but decided against it at the last minute. His jacket looked like it hadn't seen a washing machine for decades. "Not that you're unattractive but not everyone is into bestiality. You understand that, right?"

Kiba glowered at her. Akamaru whimpered. He stepped back into her personal space and slammed his hands on either side of her head, effectively trapping her in an uncomfortable corner of the wall. "_Bitch_."

She flashed him a sickeningly sweet grin. "I'll buy you dog biscuits if you promise to stop talking to me in public."

Before Kiba could launch into a diatribe on how that was only _one time_ and he was drunk off his ass, so could you please stop harping on that biscuits thing _holy fucking shit you guys are the shittiest friends ever_, Genma came around the corner and raised an eyebrow at the spectacle before him. He rolled the senbon from one corner of his mouth to the other, brown eyes sweeping from Kiba to Ino, and then back to Kiba. Who still had Ino trapped between his hands.

Ino realised, belatedly, that their position might be somewhat incriminating. Great.

"Seems like you've found yourself a stray, Yamanaka," he said, voice casual and languid to the uninitiated. Ino, however, spent enough time in his presence (more than professionally necessary, to be honest) to be able to read the subtle nuances in his expression. Right now, he was channelling some pretty ominous vibes. Genma rolled his senbon again. "Though I would advise you to relocate since Ibiki is on his way to office."

"It's not like that," she sighed and promptly kicked Kiba in the balls. He jerked back with a surprised yowl, hands firmly clamped to his precious, abused crotch as he screamed obscenities at Ino. Akamaru slinked further away from them, crouched on his haunches and his large ears flattened. Ino stared at Kiba, unimpressed. "Oh my god, shut up. I'm not even wearing heels."

Kiba turned an unflattering shade of red and spluttered.

Genma raised an eyebrow. "That's an interesting way to treat your boyfriend."

"He's not my boyfriend." Ino scrunched her nose, mostly affronted that Genma would thought she had negative amount of standard and nimbly dodged when Kiba tried to punch her. His fist connected to the wall and another howl of pain echoed through the hallway. She scowled at Genma and made her way towards him, unapologetically stepping on Kiba's toes. "I thought you're on a mission?"

"Just came back," he replied easily. He reached out to tuck a few loose strands of pale gold behind Ino's ear and she felt the tips of his fingers linger for a few seconds. The small gesture smoothed the scowl lines from her face and Genma withdrew his hand, expression slipping into well-bred nonchalance. "Did you miss me?"

Ino scoffed. "You wish. I spent the whole week in Interrogation Chambers. I think I'm gonna need another manicure soon."

"Those talons of yours require too much maintenance."

"You haven't complained before." Her smile slanted to a side, eyelashes fluttering as Genma chuckled around the perpetual senbon in his mouth.

She wasn't kidding though; there's nothing sexy about blood flakes under her nails and Ino resented the fact that the human body could lose so much blood before its systems eventually shut down. And that Suzuna-sensei made her practise their special brand of physical persuasions when Ino was more than happy to Shintenshin her way into her targets' minds. Her apprenticeship sucked really, _really_ bad. (This was discounting various other bizarre schemes her mentor cooked up on daily basis just to stretch the limits of Ino's patience and receding sanity). Ino pulled herself out of an impending mental bitch fit when she noticed the way Genma seemed to favour his right side. Her eyes narrowed.

"You're hurt, aren't you."

Genma's answering grin was wry, with the slightest hint of chastised. He eloquently shrugged. "Yeah. Well."

Ino jabbed a finger into his chest, which prompted a wince from him. "You should've reported to the hospital first."

"But the only medic I need is here."

"Ren is more interested in carrying out an autopsy on your dead body than fixing you up. You shouldn't accept any of those experimental drugs he carries around, just so you know. The last time someone did, they ended up with several extra limbs."

His eyes crinkled when he smiles. "I was talking about you, Ino."

"What— ...oh." Ino coloured slightly and she sent an exasperated scowl at him, just to keep off the pleased grin that threatened to take over her face. "Get in my office and I'll see what I can do. I bet it's already infected and all gross. I'll probably need to chop off an arm or something."

"Knew I could count on you." Genma brushed his knuckles over Ino's cheek as he sauntered past her and he grinned pleasantly at Kiba, who was forgotten until then. "See you around, Inuzuka."

Kiba nodded mutely and watched Genma disappear into the depth of the hallway, that figure composed of tight, strong lines, before he turned to Ino. His expression was a mix of morbid curiosity and disbelief. "That was Shiranui Genma right?"

Ino shrugged. "Yeah. So?"

"The Special Jounin?"

"If by 'special' you mean 'batshit crazy', then yeah, I guess."

Kiba stared at Ino for several seconds, before he broke into loud guffaws. "I can't believe it."

"What the hell, Kiba."

"He," he spat out in between subsiding giggles, almost doubled over in his mirth. "Was flirting with you."

"How do you even know what flirting looks like?" Ino dismissed that piece of surprisingly insightful observation with a flick of her wrist and considered the advantages and disadvantages of sending Kiba straight to Ren under the pretence of finally humouring his request. That would ensure at least two weeks of Inuzuka-free harassment and Ren would cease to spring his experiments on unsuspecting, innocent bystanders for a while. It was obviously a win-win situation, despite the fact that Kiba might came back with a colossal grudge against her. That was, if he survived Ren and it's a pretty big '_if_'. She heaved a sigh and signalled Kiba to follow her. "This is a one-time thing. Don't get used to it."

Kiba scrambled to his feet and shared a triumphant look with Akamaru, thankfully oblivious of Ino's actual plan to toss him to the sharks. "So where are we going? Some secret lair of sexy, beautiful harem?"

Ino hummed and paused to smile at Kiba over the curve of her shoulder. The smile was beatific, the slow curl of lips and teeth. "Of course, Kiba. You're in for the ride of your lifetime."

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**END**

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**A/N: **I see a future of more random slice-of-life thing with Genma and Ino sandwiched inside somewhere. Guilty favourite pairing is guilty indeed. Review and make me happy, please and thank you?


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